I finally quit my job. I am unemployed amd will be broke in a month or two if I dont fond something part time. I applied to grad school, even though I have no way to pay for it if I get in. Ryan asked me to marry him.

Now that my life is going (hopefully) to mirror what is was like in college, everything will. Ill get a part time job, make friends, get back in shape, and feel good about myself again.

I heard from one od his relatives that one of their doctors said you are supposed to weigh what you did at 18. True or not, I would kill to be in the 90's again. That seems acheivable by May 2013. It will be, I would hope way before thrn.

My mommy told me I'm too young to be a sell out. I'm pretty sure when she says that, it means I'm allowed to find a new job.

I am not looking forward to being the adoption unit come April 1st. Granted, it'll probably look good on my resume, handling the entire unit by myself because they are dragging their feet on hiring new workers. My work load is going to double in size with new cases, and double with what I have to do with the ones I already have (is that quadruple then?). With them not giving raises, I will not ever make more money here, even though after six months, caseworkers are supposed to get paid more since they go from the caseworker 1 to the casework 2 position. I saw yesterday that another county is hiring caseworkers for the caseworker 2 position (which is what my job title is now) for $10,000 more than what my county pays. What I make now, with all the traveling I do (especially with the ever rising gas prices) barely covers gas, bills, etc. The only weeks I ever make money off my job are the weeks the travel reimbursement goes into the pay checks. It's unbelievable to me that I could work closer to home and do the exact same job and get paid that much more for it.

I want out of here sooo bad. I have vacation time I really can't use because I'm a) too busy to actually take a day off and b) there's no one to cover my cases for a couple days (although, being the worker with the most seniority, I get first pick at days off). I will never get paid more. Having a job where I sit at a desk made me gain weight, which I don't like.

I am finished venting about my job. Thank you for listening.

"You're so cute when you're slurring your speech,
But they're closing the bar and they want us to leave."

Because there is nothing better than self-whoring, follow me on Twitter: alm0st_fam0us

"Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess Singin' drunken lullabies."

I'd do anything and I hope and pray in the end you all know that I did.

I really do not feel like I make you happy anymore. And it's not because I don't love you, like you seem to think. It's because everytime when I don't ask "how high?" when you say "jump!" you blow it out of proprotion. There was no reason for you to not speak to me at all last night. I did nothing wrong. You never mentioned you needed a ride until I got home and was ready to jump in the shower. You could have asked for a ride when I got home when you texted me to say you were going to ------. When I texted you to say I was leaving work, you could have said something, and you didn't. Instead you waited until I was literally getting in the shower after I got home and then when I asked you to see if ----- could give you a ride since he was leaving anyway, you made a big deal out of it, and proceeded to not talk to me all night, or this morning, or most of today.

I love you, but I'm tired of not feeling validated. I'm tired of feeling like a personal taxi service. I'm tired of you never being able to accept that you're partially to blame when we get upset with each other. I'm tired of it always being my fault, because it's not.

I have slowly realized that I will probably never be right again in my life.

I am "wrong" all day at work and then I go home and being stressed out, frustrated, and wanting to feel like my feelings are validated is "wrong". Wanting to not feel like a taxi service is "wrong". Not wanting to be close to people after they don't validate how I feel is "wrong". Everything I do is "wrong."

At least that's what it feels like. I am wondering how long it will be until stress leads to an early death. Anyone want to place bets on this?