Some stupid chick in the checkout line
Was paying for beer with nickels and dimes
And some old man who clipped coupons
Had argued whenever they wouldn't take one
All I wanted to was buy some cigarettes
But I couldn't take it anymore so I left

I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

Some fucking asshole just cut me off
And gave me the finger when I fucking honked
Then he proceeded to put on the brakes
He slammed on the brakes, but I made a mistake
When I climbed out of my van he was waiting
But he was six three and two hundred pounds of Satan

I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

I bet you think I'm kidding
But I promise you its true
I hate most everybody
But most of all I hate
Oh, I hate you

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
And the people in the east, I hate you all
And the people I hate least, I hate you all
And the people in the west, I hate you all
And the people I like best, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all


NEW FAVORITE SONG EVER.
I <3 GET SET GO

Drama sucks. Don't try to cause it just cause you ain't happy.

I finally got to see Ryan tonight (yes, a week is a really fucking long time). He didn't kill me when he opened his Christmas present, which is probably a good sign, since I got him new Wii remotes, which he specifically told me NOT to buy him. =) We got pizza and watched Inglorious Basterds (which wasn't as good as either of us thought it was gonna be). He fell asleep around 7:30 and I just let him sleep and came home. I can't wait until work hours go back to normal so I can stay over again.

I totally finished on overspending while Christmas shopping. I have also picked out a new car for myself, and I plan on buying it in the next few months as long as life doesn't fuck me over. And no, it's NOT the Cobalt. Ryan is sick and I'm totally bored. He needs to be better so I can give him (and we can enjoy) his Christmas present (I totally bought him Wii remotes even though he specifically told me not to because they're expensive or something). Also, naughty Santa outfits are probably more fun when 100% healthy. =)




"Waking up from this nightmare, how's your life? What's it like there? Is it all what you wanted to be? Does it hurt when you think about me? And how broken my heart was?"

Ooooh, yay, blogging!

Once upon a time, I met a boy named Ryan. We're dating and we're super madly in love. Or at least pretend to be.

Once upon a time, I saw my all time favorite band live and it made my life.

Once upon a time, I waaaay overspent on everyone's Christmas presents, and totally did not care.

Once upon a time, I hung out with my bestest friend EVER and had the most fantastic time. And I realized I need to see A way more fucking often.

Once upon a time, my boss told me she loves me because I am great. Not really, but I rock at retail (sadly).

Once upon a time, I decided that the car I REALLY want is a baby SUV, not a Cobalt. Because the idea of a baby SUV makes me giggle.

Once upon a time, I realized that I need to go to bed because of the extended holiday hours at the mall that make me need to be up early enough for Adam to be able to kick me in the face to get me out of bed on his way to work. But not really because who the fuck would want to kick me in the face?

Once upon a time, I went to bed. By myself. With Satan.

<3 <3 <3

Today, I found out that my little sister really truly hate me and that's she's embarrassed to be related to me. To the point where she doesn't consider me family anymore.

I am totally sick of crazy people. Fucking seriously???

I finally have a working cell phone!

I got my new phone today!
And I realized I got paid double yesterday because it was a holiday!
And I have a fantastic idea for this weekend...mwhuahahahahahha!

Tonight I heard everything I ever wanted to hear from you. I am so happy. I am so sad.

God, it's so painful, something so close is still so far out of reach.

Dear John,

I mailed your stuff back.
I deleted your number from my phone.
I had AT&T take World Connect off my plan.
There is no way you are part of my life anymore.

This is the end,
Me


I realized today that even with a job, after putting money aside for bills, car insurance, and into my savings account for that Cobalt thing, I net about $20 a week for myself. I really need a new job.

This is so messed up.

I have a job! Even if it isn't a glamorous career jobs, I am happy. I went shopping with Sarah at the outlets last night, and got to spend money without feeling guilty. We're going out Friday night to see a concert in Upper Darby.

Um, it's FINALLY sunny again. YAY!!!

Nothing I've said made any difference.
He said, "Let's see other people."
I said, "What's the point if we want to be together and make this work?"
He said, "I'm seeing someone. It just happened, I didn't plan on it, and I'm worried again about the what if's and where I want to end up."
I said, "I didn't think you were serious about seeing other people."
I said, "You gave up without trying."
I said, "Nothing I've said has made any difference, so that's really not much left to say is there? We never really said this was over, but I guess now it is, if you're seeing someone."
He said, "It's not like it was really going anywhere right now anyways."
I said, "I guess I'm done then."

It wasn't even a month since the beginning of the end.
I'm feeling very replaceable.

A slept over last night.

...grilling and drinking all day!

"We fail to keep in touch these days
I'm liquid cold she's murder gray
Hollowed by circumstance
That pushed us both away"


I think Belle-kitty is dying. That makes me sad. I don't want her to be old and dead like.

It's been the kind of week so far that makes me want to commence weekend drinking right away. Unfortunately, it's only Wednesday.

We went mini-golfing and to dinner Friday night.
Yesterday I learned how to change a headlight and got dirty and greasy.

We're whatever.
=)

I applied for one of my 'dream jobs' today (provided that everything gets faxed tomorrow with no problems).

I have an interview at Victory tomorrow!! I really actually want this job, so I hope it goes well.

1. We talked. Things are good or whatever again.

2. Yay for badly sprained ankles, although the night was AMAZING!

3. Yay for cell phones that fall to pieces!

4. Whoa, you actually texted me back? Say what?

5. Yay for little sisters being at fake college ALL week!

6. Yay for job interviews on Tuesday!

J and I managed to fix things. I'm happy again. =) He totally just needs to stop being difficult though. <3

I test drove my car again today. Just for fun, since you know, I can't afford to buy it. We're bonding.

Today, I went to the mall. I went to my second favorite retail therapy store, and waws hoping to have a great afternoon shopping in order to cheer myself up. Then I remembered that I'm unemployed and can't afford to shop in order to cheer myself up. Somehow, the entire afternoon just made me feel worse.

So I apologized to A for ignoring his morning text, and explained that I felt bad repeating everything I've said in the past few days because there's only so many ways to say that I'm devastated. I really just want to go curl up in his chair and cry again, like this past weekend, because it's safe and comfortable and doesn't make me feel like I'm suffocating like every inch of my house does.

I still haven't called. Every time I pick up my phone and scroll to the right number, I can't do it. I cant' do it because as soon as the phone call is over, it's officially over. It'll be officially over, for real, because J is too fucking afraid of something that may or may not happen to keep fighting.

I finally started looking for jobs somewhere that is geographically ideal for me. They're all warm, with beaches, and far away, so maybe, just maybe, someday I'll be able to breath again.

"Without you, I've got friends who'll help me pull through."


It would be super nice if the only person I really want to talk to could be around for more than two minutes at a time. However, things like haircuts take precedence over me these days. Go figure.

I totally had a great weekend last weekend in Ship. I don't think I've been that incredibly happy or laughed that hard in months. And by months, I mean since last summer. My BFF is uber amazing. I don't know anyone else who will take a nostalgic walk though town with me, super drunk around midnight and not want to be anywhere else.

Relay for Life is this weekend. I'm waking up early and going to watch the Survivor lap at 9am (purple isn't Dad's color, but he wears the t-shirt anyway!). I'll be really sad the year that I don't get to do that. Hopefully it's a long way off though, and everything ends up being nothing. =)

Yay for another great weekend!!

Interview tomorrow afternoon...I need good luck!!

Why do I even bother? Talking to each other was supposed to make this better. However, any time I try to talk to you is inconvenient. So that means, what? *sighs*

Wow, so this still exists!

I'm still unemployed, however, much, much happier than I've been in months, for probably all the wrong reasons. You make me smile. =)

I spent last weekend in Wildwood. Beach weather SUUUUUCKED, but I jumped in the ocean anyway... why waste the opportunity? This weekend I had an adventure in Philly involving flat tires and cute drummers.

Also, this 60 degree weather needs to stop...it's MAY! IT NEEDS TO BE WARM!!!!!

At some point, I'll remember you're never around and I'll stop getting my hopes up about being able to tell you fantastic, exciting news and stories and I'll just go straight to talking to my glass of cheap wine instead.

Cheap red wine makes job applications much more fun. However, I am now almost out and have no monies to buy more because the economy hates me.

This feels like it's such a mess and I feel like it's my fault. I love you but I don't know how to get back to where things were.

=(

I wish the fact that another holiday was over meant I didn't have to see my extended family, specifically my one grandmom for a really long time. I realize that is a horrible thing to say, but she is a horrible, hurtful person (yes, I realize that I probably know one other person who actually dislikes any member of his family as much as I dislike my mom's mom).

Friday, she spent all day with my family. My mom and I took her grocery shopping and to the Black Friday church service. We let her run errands with us instead of taking her home after church. She invited herself over for dinner. My little sister is sick, but after dinner went out to a party. After she left, my grandmom says that she guesses someone else would be coming by to pick me up, because she assumed that I would be going out as well. My dad and I explained to her that I really don't go out much, and most of the time spend the weekends in with my parents, reading or watching old movies with my mom, because I only have two really good friends in Pottstown anymore, and one was with his family this weekend, and that the other had broken her foot. She asked what was wrong with me, that I was young and not going out all the time, and told me I should be as social as my little sister, and that I shouldn't be like my mom. Then she laughed and said "Girls going out with girls? When do you ever see your fellas? Oh, that's right, yours left you."

Saturday, Adam had planned a 12 hour practice for drum line, and my mom and I had planned on meeting one of her friends in West Chester to watch her daughter in WCU's track meet. It rained, so we didn't go and my mom ended up having to pick my grandmom up from the hairdresser's because my uncle was going to Reading to try to clean out more of my cousin's apartment. When my mom dropped her off, my grandmom refused to get out of the car, because she thought it was well within her right to invite herself over for the day again. My mom harshly told her that it wasn't because no one was going to be home all day and that we had company coming. Before my mom left, my grandmom questioned why I couldn't entertain her seeing as I don't have a social life, and told my mom that she had done plenty for her while she was growing up, so my mom should be more willing to do things for her. My grandmom was not an involved, loving parent when my mom was growing up. My mom does everything for her, drives her everywhere, cleans her house, etc and gets no thanks for it, and my grandmom still feels like she is owed something.

Today, despite my dad telling my mom to uninvite her to dinner, my grandmom came over again. I was helping to get dinner and talking to my other grandmom (whom I adore). She asked me if I had heard from John lately, and I told her that I hadn't actually spoken to him in weeks, that he says he's been busy and that I really didn't want to talk about him right then (my grandfather spent a good portion of WWII in the South Pacific, so she knows how hard him being gone is). My other grandmom, for no reason other than to upset me, took the opportunity to comment that he has probably found another girlfriend and that's why I haven't heard from him.

My dad had some choice words for her that summed up, said that if she ever made me cry on a holiday again (after doing so on Christmas),and continued to treat my mom the way she has been she could find somewhere else to spend them.

Shortly thereafter, my parents left to pick Susan up at the airport, my sister went to bed, and I realized that cheap wine never tasted to good.

Happy fucking Easter, everyone!

Last night, my mind dreamt
across 8 state lines
to lull into dreams of sleeping, lying
but not so alone this time

could you feel it when i stole covers,
kissed your neck
and wished you one goodnight
i hoped to remain in for the rest of my days

now these north breezes haunt me so teasingly placed
once again in my path, once again i am faced
with the cold truth of autumn the tease of her taste
my bags have been packed for days

So make it a point to
say you miss me
and tell all of your friends
of the boy from which your accent comes
oh wont you hold it, against me
for knowing the words
what you say to make your heartbeat stop

last night, my arm stretched out
up new england and into the deep south
just to pull back clouds that hide the sun
just to burst through your windows just for fun

could you feel when i snuck in?
starting slowly a battle i could never win
could you feel when i burst through
i am the sunligh drenching you

now these north breezes haunt me so teasingly placed
once again in my path, once again i am faced
with the cold truth of autumn the tease of her taste
my bags have been packed for days

So make it a point to
say you miss me
and tell all of your friends
of the boy from which your accent comes
oh wont you hold it, against me
for knowing the words
what you say to make your heartbeat stop
(You, Me, and Everyone We Know)






I really wish I 100% completely believed you.

That's the look I've been waiting for.




I have an interview tomorrow!!

Could you feel when I snuck in, starting slowly a battle I could never win?

Why is this still so hard? Isn't it just supposed to be getting easier? Maybe it's just me... =(

I've applied for another five jobs so far this week. Two career jobs, and three at the mall. I'm broke and I've already pretty much given into the fact that I'm gonna be filling out paper work to defer student loan repayments June 1st, but I just need something to do. My sister's drum instructor told me about at job in Reading that he promised he'll get me more information about.

I totally went birthday shopping for Satan last night (<---NEED A JOB!). She's gonna be 11 (is that old for a cat??) and I managed to spend $1.98 on her. I also promised that as soon as I get a job and can afford it, I'll take her to the vet's. I'm pretty sure she's hoping I stayed unemployed for a really, really long time.


I want the weekend and for my bestest to be free so we can do nothing and love it.

AHHHHHHHHH.

That is me screaming in my head at the top of my lungs because I am frustrated and annoyed. I wish I could actually scream, but I'm in the middle of the library, and I'm supposed to be quiet or something.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I'm at an all time low for the number of jobs I've applied for in the past week. It's only been two. I've emailed Crisis Point for info on volunteering, and I applied for another youth center staff position with the Baptist Child Services in Royersford. I'm atheist.

And I'm totally desperate enough to go back to retail so I'm heading to the mall sometime this week. Retail, here I come! *smacks head on computer desk*

I have a car and car insurance again! Maybe, just maybe, this means my social life will be resurrected?

I also had a really good sandwich for dinner at Ruby Tuesdays.

That was a great weekend, for the most part.

I totally take back anything negative I've said about you recently.

Oh, geeze. Seriously? WTF?

So, uh, Philly tomorrow night? Any takers? Going once, twice, fuck. Guess not. =(

Just as well, I need to be up early Saturday. And it's gonna be a late night, my parents are super planning and drinks and Vuja De and hopefully Jon goes along with it (I haven't seen Vuja De in forevers, and I really want to). And that's probably a much, much safer and better idea than crashing karaoke. Even though I haven't seen my bartender buddy there in MONTHS. And if my sources are correct, Victory is now being served in bottles? Hmmm.

Anyways, should be a good weekend. =)

I had a great day in Philly with my Mom today! We walked all over the city, got cheese steaks for lunch on South Street and had drinks at City Tavern, which she's always wanted to do and other tourist stuff that we've done before (like see the Liberty Bell) and explored China Town and got to check out one of the city fire stations (right before two fire trucks got into an accident after running into each other...that was sad). It rained and we got cold, but it was fun. =)

Over it. I'm so over it.

I just spent half the day in bed. I am so lazy. =)

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town
And I said, "Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone"


I wish I didn't know you as well as I do. I wish I didn't know for a fact that every time something bad happens to you, you just check out for weeks. I wish I didn't know that if I tell you I care and that I'm here if you need anything, that it'll just make it easier for you to check out because when you feel helpless you don't want help. Hanging out last night was awesome. This friends thing was working, we talk for real now and actually have fun even if we do nothing. It really felt like being us again, it's been months since you've checked out on me but I know that after talking to you today, you're going to. I told you I care and that ended the conversation and I don't expect to hear from you for weeks. And that sucks, because you're kinda all I have left in this shitty town anymore. So I just wish for once you'd not check out and let me really prove that this friends thing will work (and fucking seriously, me caring shouldn't be a surprise, we did date off and on for four and a half years).

Well, tonight was turned out much better than I thought it would.

Today, I learned that there is no reason for me to be extraordinary. There is no reason to try to be good at anything, or to be able to have any sort of skills because society is fucked up and has lowered their standards to the point where being extraordinary will just hold me back. Go fucking figure.

What happened to being able to call you and have you be there when I felt like running away screaming?

FBI NCAVC** HIRE ME (some write them a letter stating that I am super qualified and amazing)!! Yes, I do want my life to be Criminal Minds when I grow up.

Jack's (Mannequin) and job applications. Waiting on plans for the weekend; I'm hoping the ones from last weekend get resurrected, but if unanswered texts are any indication, I have a feeling they won't. Maybe I'll be surprised (please, surprise me).

As much as I hate Belle-kitty for smacking me in the face, the nose bandage makes me look kinda tough, like a model posing with some hockey players and trying to desperately fit in.

Yeah, I'mma looooooooooooser, baby.


**National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime

Susan bought me a coffeemaker. Mom gave me her huge, round coffee table that she apparently hates. She was also *gasp* friendly today. She's paying to have my car inspected, too. I was also told I'm not allowed to move into the homeless shelter, because she doesn't understand why I'd rather be homeless than here with her. For the record, I was half kidding when I said that I'd give myself a year before the shelter.

I applied for a job at Wawa, so I can be one of the cool kids who works 2nd/3rd shift at Wawa. I don't think there's even anything else to say. Everyone I know has worked at Wawa. Maybe I'll at least get free coffee...?

Yesterday, my little sister told me she doesn't want me in her life anymore. The day before she was clinging to me while my parents were fighting and begging me not to leave the room. Today, I find out she's deleted my number from her cell phone, and me as a friend on Facebook and Myspace. This afternoon she asked me what I was doing next weekend, because she wants her "boyfriend", who used to be one of my best friends, to come and visit her, but only if I'm around. I told her I wasn't planning my weekend around her fake "relationship", especially since this friend only talks to me now when he has a problem with her or wants to know what's she doing, etc. She got mad at me and stopped speaking to me again.

What is happening to my life? What is happening to my family? I have been stressed out, frustrated, unhappy, upset, etc. about life in general (mainly because of not having found a job yet and the way things are at home), and I know I've been freaking out over little things, but that doesn't mean they get to give up on me. It doesn't mean stop speaking to me and it doesn't mean I get to be the scapegoat for everything that's wrong in their lives. No, I don't want to be here anymore, but I don't want to be at home because life is like the above paragraph on a daily basis. Nobody talks or communicates any more, they either attack or stay silent. I really just need a break from all of this.


I'm still waiting to hear about a job.
I ran another four miles today. I think I just about died between the cold air and the ice and slush. If anything, eventually I'll be in fantastic shape again.


Someday, something will go right for me. I am being optimistic and still believe that that someday will be sometime soon.

Tonight's a party for the misfits doing time
Not giving up, not getting by
Just sticking it out through hardest times

If you dislike each other this much and don't trust each other, maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't be together. What is the point of being married to someone you no longer trust?

I cannot do this anymore, I cannot be here anymore. I can't.
I can't stand listening to them fight with each other.
I can't stand living in a house where no one talks to each, ever.
I can't stand being somewhere where everyone is constantly looking for a reason to leave.

I don't sleep.
I don't eat.
I am exhausted.
I'm losing weight.
I started running again because for half the distance, I'm running away.

No one cares.
I have one parent who's all but an alcoholic.
I have one parent who is seriously depressed and openly talks about suicide.
Neither of them care. They aren't even bothering to pretend anymore.

Epic ending? Epic fail.

Seriously, I'm going to shoot myself in the face soon.

I overheard my mom telling one of her friends that she wants me out of here.

Yeah, I really need a job.
I was having a really good day too.

Today started in the ER and ended at the West Chester Kildare's. People in my life need to stab themselves with screwdrivers more often if it's going to lead to drinks from cute waiters.

Oh, and I handed in job applications today.

It's only 12:30 and I'm going to bed. I remember just a few months ago when midnight was really late for me to be up because of classes and stuff. Oh, classes.

I got offered a job today at the diner. That's a step up from when I got offered a job at Walmart because I talked the cashier through the steps involved with splitting a purchase between a gift card and cash. I don't see why real jobs don't hire me, obviously, I'm super intelligent.

My new phone looks like an iPod. I just realized that today when I was rocking out to the pre-programmed Usher song that came on it. Don't judge.







^Blankets for kittens^

Apparently it's ok for me to spend my life being criticized but as soon as I say anything that can be perceived as negative about your precious little failure, I get shit listed.

I can't stand the hypocrisy of anything that defines life at home. If I were her, it would be publicly known that I had failed and I would be getting pushed to find a job, not protected and told that no matter what I do, it'll be ok and all that. If I was barely going to graduate from high school, had been kicked out of the programs I was in and had a less than 10% chance of actually going to college, my parents would do nothing but belittle me and lecture me about how I had royally fucked up. However, they do nothing but enable my sister to fail, fail, fail at life. Congrats on failing! Don't expect me to not show disappointment though.

I got a real life rejection letter in the mail today. That kinda sucks.

I'm still job hunting. I guess I wasn't as sold on the Montco job as I thought I was. I need a job, because I need to be able to pay off the $24,000 I owe in student loans and buy a car that I'm not terrified to drive because it's ready to fall apart, and move out because as much as I like things like free food and laundry, this moving home thing is ten times more stressful than just being here over breaks. Every day it's something else. It's a daily interrogation as to why I don't have a job yet and how it's my fault, which just makes me feel like a failure. It's my mom and sister constantly picking fights with me over little things and then not talking to me for days when I don't just give in or do what they want. It's the constantly being at home and having no where to go because all of my friends have moved away from Pottstown or are too busy with their careers or relationships for girls night or have stopped calling me to hang out with the boys.

I am stressed out and exhausted. I've gotten out of bed at noon the past two days (and have gotten yelled at for it) and have no appetite. I've become an unwilling fan of day time trash TV for lack of anything better to do. I feel old and failure like because I've done nothing so far. My friends have careers or are going back to school or whatever and I sit around my parents house filling out application after application feeling like a broke, unemployed loser.

This totally needs to stop, but I don't know what to do. I need a hug. I need girl's night with...I don't even know who, since there's no one around anymore. I need it to be warm so I can go outside and start running again. I need a real break, a vacation and to just leave.


This was super depressing (however, my stupid blog just lets me rant and doesn't complain or want to fix things or feel bad). I'm going to go find Satan and force her to cuddle with me.

That went well, I guess. It went well, listening to the kids talk was just sad.

Also, I'm lonely and unhappy and really just want to get out of Pottstown for a while, but having no job and no money makes that highly unlikely.

And I just remembered I said I'd call and tell you how things went (obviously, since I just remembered, I didn't). It's not late there, but it's midnight here. I suck.

=)
<3

After bitching and complaining about not wanting me to go out tonight, my sister invited Greg over after spending all night on AIM. Now that she's single they're probably downstairs hooking up. She fought with me and screamed at me and actually made me cry.

My grandmother spent all afternoon criticizing me. She's old and she has the beginning stages of Alzheimer's and I should be sympathetic and understanding. However, being old and losing your mind is not a free pass to be a bitch.

By the time I called Chris back about having a drink tonight, he didn't answer his phone. So I sent him an email apologizing for not calling him earlier and telling him about how crappy my day was and wishing him a fantastic night doing whatever.

I'd call Mac, but this whole being friends thing is so weird and whatever. We hung out two weeks ago, and he said he'd call, and he hasn't. Which in and of itself doesn't really bother me, because that's his thing, not calling. And I don't want to call him and be like, I'm lonely and unhappy and I miss John and I'm stressed out etc. even though he said to call whenever I just want to run away screaming. Yeah, I want to run away screaming, but I don't want to depend on him to be the knight in semi-shining armor all the time.

John's on AIM and stuff but at this point my mood is completely shot so I don't even really want to talk to him. Which just really makes me feel like a bad girlfriend.

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess.
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

I have an interview on Wednesday with the Montgomery County Youth Center!!

So much for positive-ness. No phone calls about jobs. I am not one to worry and stress out, but I am. So that probably says a lot about how unhappy I am about being unemployed.


My mom was helping me tape up the box I was sending to John today. We were talking and she actually asked me if I really thought I could not cheat on him the entire time he was gone. I told her that I'm in love with him, that I don't want to be with anyone but him, and that I couldn't believe she had to ask me that. She told me she was glad that she had finally asked, and I told her that it wasn't a conversation I needed to have with her.

It snowed again. At least, if it stays cold I have an excuse to wear my new winter jacket.

So it only took me all night to figure out what was wrong with this weekend.

It was majorly lacking in best friend-ness.



On a positive note, at least tomorrow is Monday, so everyone will be going back to work, so maybe I'll get calls about jobs!

I am tired of this applying for jobs thing. I sent in the eight application today, to the Youth and Family Services Department for Montco. I haven't heard anything else from West Chester, and I still have a few weeks before I can rule out D.C. I feel like I'm getting n o w h e r e.

I love you and I miss you.

=) Yay for another fantastic day!!

We watched the first season of Firefly. We watched TV and watched Samson be super cute. I had lunch bought for me, and later at Railroad Street, drinks by the drummer from one of the local bands. I can't wait until next weekend because I don't doubt that it'll happen or that I'll be let down. It's awesome and amazing and I've missed having a best friend.

I got a call about the Child, Youth and Family Services jobs I applied for today! I also got offered 10 hours a week at Blockbuster, just for fun. I went sledding at the high school on a cafeteria tray and ended up only slightly bruised. =)


"She's hot, can't stop, up on stage, doing shots."

...is it the weekend yet?

I'm staring at an application for the White House internship program. I am broke as fuck and have no money to move to DC for an unpaid internship. I cannot afford to do this, even for the few months that the program runs. It would be fantastic experience and one of the best things I could list on my resume, on top of being a life changing experience. I have nothing going for me in Pottstown and the one person I would miss loves DC and would probably pack up and go with me for a few months if I asked. It would be amazing. It's the city. It's Obama/Biden. It's getting away from feeling suffocated by so many things in Pottstown.



I hate that I don't miss him yet. I hate that the three days I spent curled up in my bed in my pj's with various bottles of liquor seem like forever ago, and that I was more upset because he didn't say anything when I said I loved him than that he was gone. I hate that he wasted six words telling me he got to LA ok, when three of them were an abbreviation when he had unlimited words for his friends. I hate that according to Facebook he's somewhere between the US and Australia, meaning he left LA without doing the last thing I asked of him, that he just call me before he left so I could hear his voice one last time. I hate that Joe is the only person I can talk to because everyone else adores him. I hate that the apathy I project when someone brings my boyfriend up in conversation actually made my best friend want to cry, because I shouldn't be this unhappy. I hate that Joe is making excuses for him, for why he didn't call when we both know that if it was him leaving, he would have told me he loved me, even if it wasn't true just so there would be some hope and one last good memory after he left and that he would have called.


I've applied for three jobs. I'm completely still waiting to be rejected and telling myself that I need a survival job because I'm running out of money. Like seriously, when I let Joe buy me dinner (even if it is Taco Bell), I'm fucking broke.

Last night was the greatest night ever. We beat up washing machines and wandered around Home Depot and went to Taco Bell. The boys got their butts kicked in their new video game and we cuddled with the kitty. I got home at 2:30a.m. and went to bed sober and happy. I just hope we manage to keep things going this way.

I guess that's it for a year.

I graduated yesterday.

Instant gratification. "Like if I go to Wawa and ask for a pack of Marlboro 100's and they don't have them, I'm gonna be like, forget it."


The best way to get a girl to hang out with you is to compare hooking up with her to a sold out pack of cigarettes.