It's funny how tragedy brings people together, especially those who previously avoided speaking to each other.

yay for cuban class being canceled! i'm wasting the afternoon watching csi:ny

I apologized today. For standing up for myself, and knowing that I was right, and insisting that I be treated like an adult. And now, apparently, everything is perfectly fine again, and its ok to call and see how I'm doing (like you care), and email me updates about life at home. Oh god, the hypocrisy. I think I'm supposed to look forward to going home to see my family now and stuff. As long as everything is ok on one side, life is swell.


I'm boring and have nothing else to update because Newark sucks and nothing every happens here.

Some little old lady yelled at me for having holes in my jeans today when I was getting coffee.

Is any of this worth it?

Yay for the school fixing their mistakes! That's over with, and I'm assuming I feel better. I'm not looking forward to going home for Thanksgiving and being guilt tripped into feeling bad about fighting with Mom. I'm really only going home to save myself $10 and two hours on the train (hopefully, anyways).

Kris and I went out for dinner last night and watched movies here since Faith isn't here this weekend (or I'm assuming, her stuffs here, but I havent' seen her since noon-ish yesterday).

I really need to get motivated to apply for jobs and stuff. We were talking last night about wanting big-girl jobs just so we can buy stuff, like the ultimate expensive bags , sunglasses, heels, cliche little black dresses. We are le ridiculous.

www.itischristmas.com Why are they playing holiday ads already? I should be excited, because I like Christmasy stuff like hot chocolate, and cookies, and the way the tree smells, and shopping, and warm clothes, and fires in fireplaces, and decorations and candles, and lights, and music, but it's just making me sad.

After the meeting on Friday, the A&S dean asked me what my plans for after graduation are. I said something about finding a job, but really that I didn't know. She asked if I had been to the career development center, and if I hadn't, that I should stop by and get help with resumes and stuff. I told her that I would be ok, somehow, since everything I develope falls apart anyway, and left. This after I told her that my mom would prefer hearing that they fixed their mistake from her and not me, which I had to convince her of since she assumes that everyone who goes to this school comes from rich, loving, happy families.

I am such a mess. While not stressed out, and feeling happier than I have in the last week, I'm still such a mess. I think I just hide it all too well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIqInL3sWWI
Kittens make me happy!!

I love my new Hollywood starlet style sunglasses.

I have another meeting with the A&S dean on the 21st, to "discuss my options", which doesn't sound at all promising. I have no fight or energy left, and I want mom to come down to go with me, but I doubt she will. The email I have confirming said meeting with the person I'm meeting with says that "if you need to speak with someone in the Dean's office sooner than November 21st, 2008, you are always welcome to come to speak with a professional staff member during student walk in hours" Seriously, I haven't been speaking to professionals the entire time I've been fighting this? On top of the English as a second language adviser who got me into this mess, that makes me super thrilled. Besides being one of the best schools in the country for a criminal justice major and the face that having the vice president's name attached to it, U Del is failing majorly. And that makes me really, really sad.

I picked up the weekly issue of The Review today. The UnDressed article (the relationship/sex column, which I only read because my friend Matt dated the chick who writes it) mad me sad. Focused on high school relationships transitioning to college, it was all about how long distance relationships don't work. I know that it was aimed at freshmen who think that they're relationships from high school are really going to last in college, and about how people need time to grown and change, and how taking breaks are healthy, and stuff, and I know that at 22, it's not exactly the same thing, but it made me sad none the less.

Every little thing is chipping away at my sanity and happiness right now. And I hate that because I really am trying. For once in my life, I am trying to hold on and be happy and positive, and it just seems that the world and I are never on the same wavelenght, that when I want to try, the world doesn't want to help, and when it wants to help, I want to curl up in my bed and ignore it.

I want a shoulder to cry on just once, to be sad without that shoulder believing that he should be able to fix everything so it doesn't hurt me anymore. I want a friend that I can talk to in person who won't try to play down that fact that I'm upset and stressed out. I miss my home, and my family. I am tired of being lonely. I wish I could just go back in time a few days and have it perpertually be Saturday in front of the fireplace, with cuddling and comfort and someone who, I think, loves me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muLIPWjks_M

Yay for Ninja Cat!!

Puppies!

http://cdn1.ustream.tv/swf/4/viewer.45.swf?cid=317016


Yeah. It's a live feed of puppies. Who doesn't like puppies?



Also, I suck at blogging.