I'm staring at an application for the White House internship program. I am broke as fuck and have no money to move to DC for an unpaid internship. I cannot afford to do this, even for the few months that the program runs. It would be fantastic experience and one of the best things I could list on my resume, on top of being a life changing experience. I have nothing going for me in Pottstown and the one person I would miss loves DC and would probably pack up and go with me for a few months if I asked. It would be amazing. It's the city. It's Obama/Biden. It's getting away from feeling suffocated by so many things in Pottstown.



I hate that I don't miss him yet. I hate that the three days I spent curled up in my bed in my pj's with various bottles of liquor seem like forever ago, and that I was more upset because he didn't say anything when I said I loved him than that he was gone. I hate that he wasted six words telling me he got to LA ok, when three of them were an abbreviation when he had unlimited words for his friends. I hate that according to Facebook he's somewhere between the US and Australia, meaning he left LA without doing the last thing I asked of him, that he just call me before he left so I could hear his voice one last time. I hate that Joe is the only person I can talk to because everyone else adores him. I hate that the apathy I project when someone brings my boyfriend up in conversation actually made my best friend want to cry, because I shouldn't be this unhappy. I hate that Joe is making excuses for him, for why he didn't call when we both know that if it was him leaving, he would have told me he loved me, even if it wasn't true just so there would be some hope and one last good memory after he left and that he would have called.


I've applied for three jobs. I'm completely still waiting to be rejected and telling myself that I need a survival job because I'm running out of money. Like seriously, when I let Joe buy me dinner (even if it is Taco Bell), I'm fucking broke.