I am a failure.

While sitting in the parking lot of my mechanic's yesterday, I realized (with my mom's help) that the past year and a half of my life has just been an epic fail.

In December 2009, U Del was trying to tell me that I wasn't going to graduate on time, and I spent eleventh hour before graduation running around campus trying to convince them that I was. However, upon graduating I spent eight months of my life being turned down for jobs and hating the fact that I don't qualify for unemployment.

Then I got a job at the mall. I speak three languages, and went to one of the best schools in the world, based on reports and statitcs, and I work at the fucking mall making $7.50 an hour.

Seven fucking ficfty an hour, on average 24 hours a week comes out to about $143 after taxes. That $143 goes to paying my student loans, paying my Visa bill, which ends up way too high every month because after paying student loans and putting gas in the car, buying stuff I need to keep up some standard of personal hygiene (sorry I like brushing my teeth and washing my hair), and sometimes eating and having a night out once a month, I need to rely on my credit card to get me through the week.

John moved to Australia and left me. Only, instead of just leaving me, he lied to me for months about how busy he was with school work while pictures kept showing up on Facebook of him out and about, because like, I'm stupid or something. He lied and then met someone and subsequently cheated because he was too much of a pussy to just break up with me. He let me think that we would make it, and that there was hope for life after grad school because he was too much of a pussy to do anything about it. Because yeah, that hurt way less.

AT&T put me through cell phone hell and I had to buy a new cell phone at the retail cost out of pocket. The wonderful case I had for it just broke, so that needs to be replaced.

I've had to visit the doctor twice and pay out of pocket because I have no health insurance. I've been wearing the same contacts for five months because I can't go to the eye doctor because I don't have an extra $200 dollars and I'm really fucking thankful that my boyfriend smokes so much pot and is hopefully killing his sperm so I don't knocked up because I can't afford to go to the gyno and get a new birth control perscription, much less afford visits to a OB/GYN.

My car died. Both front axles need replacing. That is going to run about $300 for parts and labor, and that's before state inspection and emissions tests and an oil change, let alone anything that needs to be fixed after that. I need a new car, and really the money that I've spent on the Subaru for new tires and now this could have been a nice down payment on something used, if it was possible for me to save money, ever, at all.


My mom managed to come up with one good thing that has happened though. I met Ryan. Which as I reminded her, only happened because John left, and it almost cost me a friendship. But I met Ryan.