I love my new Hollywood starlet style sunglasses.

I have another meeting with the A&S dean on the 21st, to "discuss my options", which doesn't sound at all promising. I have no fight or energy left, and I want mom to come down to go with me, but I doubt she will. The email I have confirming said meeting with the person I'm meeting with says that "if you need to speak with someone in the Dean's office sooner than November 21st, 2008, you are always welcome to come to speak with a professional staff member during student walk in hours" Seriously, I haven't been speaking to professionals the entire time I've been fighting this? On top of the English as a second language adviser who got me into this mess, that makes me super thrilled. Besides being one of the best schools in the country for a criminal justice major and the face that having the vice president's name attached to it, U Del is failing majorly. And that makes me really, really sad.

I picked up the weekly issue of The Review today. The UnDressed article (the relationship/sex column, which I only read because my friend Matt dated the chick who writes it) mad me sad. Focused on high school relationships transitioning to college, it was all about how long distance relationships don't work. I know that it was aimed at freshmen who think that they're relationships from high school are really going to last in college, and about how people need time to grown and change, and how taking breaks are healthy, and stuff, and I know that at 22, it's not exactly the same thing, but it made me sad none the less.

Every little thing is chipping away at my sanity and happiness right now. And I hate that because I really am trying. For once in my life, I am trying to hold on and be happy and positive, and it just seems that the world and I are never on the same wavelenght, that when I want to try, the world doesn't want to help, and when it wants to help, I want to curl up in my bed and ignore it.

I want a shoulder to cry on just once, to be sad without that shoulder believing that he should be able to fix everything so it doesn't hurt me anymore. I want a friend that I can talk to in person who won't try to play down that fact that I'm upset and stressed out. I miss my home, and my family. I am tired of being lonely. I wish I could just go back in time a few days and have it perpertually be Saturday in front of the fireplace, with cuddling and comfort and someone who, I think, loves me.