I'm still job hunting. I guess I wasn't as sold on the Montco job as I thought I was. I need a job, because I need to be able to pay off the $24,000 I owe in student loans and buy a car that I'm not terrified to drive because it's ready to fall apart, and move out because as much as I like things like free food and laundry, this moving home thing is ten times more stressful than just being here over breaks. Every day it's something else. It's a daily interrogation as to why I don't have a job yet and how it's my fault, which just makes me feel like a failure. It's my mom and sister constantly picking fights with me over little things and then not talking to me for days when I don't just give in or do what they want. It's the constantly being at home and having no where to go because all of my friends have moved away from Pottstown or are too busy with their careers or relationships for girls night or have stopped calling me to hang out with the boys.

I am stressed out and exhausted. I've gotten out of bed at noon the past two days (and have gotten yelled at for it) and have no appetite. I've become an unwilling fan of day time trash TV for lack of anything better to do. I feel old and failure like because I've done nothing so far. My friends have careers or are going back to school or whatever and I sit around my parents house filling out application after application feeling like a broke, unemployed loser.

This totally needs to stop, but I don't know what to do. I need a hug. I need girl's night with...I don't even know who, since there's no one around anymore. I need it to be warm so I can go outside and start running again. I need a real break, a vacation and to just leave.


This was super depressing (however, my stupid blog just lets me rant and doesn't complain or want to fix things or feel bad). I'm going to go find Satan and force her to cuddle with me.