Yesterday, my little sister told me she doesn't want me in her life anymore. The day before she was clinging to me while my parents were fighting and begging me not to leave the room. Today, I find out she's deleted my number from her cell phone, and me as a friend on Facebook and Myspace. This afternoon she asked me what I was doing next weekend, because she wants her "boyfriend", who used to be one of my best friends, to come and visit her, but only if I'm around. I told her I wasn't planning my weekend around her fake "relationship", especially since this friend only talks to me now when he has a problem with her or wants to know what's she doing, etc. She got mad at me and stopped speaking to me again.

What is happening to my life? What is happening to my family? I have been stressed out, frustrated, unhappy, upset, etc. about life in general (mainly because of not having found a job yet and the way things are at home), and I know I've been freaking out over little things, but that doesn't mean they get to give up on me. It doesn't mean stop speaking to me and it doesn't mean I get to be the scapegoat for everything that's wrong in their lives. No, I don't want to be here anymore, but I don't want to be at home because life is like the above paragraph on a daily basis. Nobody talks or communicates any more, they either attack or stay silent. I really just need a break from all of this.


I'm still waiting to hear about a job.
I ran another four miles today. I think I just about died between the cold air and the ice and slush. If anything, eventually I'll be in fantastic shape again.


Someday, something will go right for me. I am being optimistic and still believe that that someday will be sometime soon.

Tonight's a party for the misfits doing time
Not giving up, not getting by
Just sticking it out through hardest times